A View from the Bubble

Musings from outside the mainstream.

Slut, friend zone and bitch

Let’s just be clear: I am not defending the use of slut, cunt or bitch.  For that matter, I am not defending the use of player, prick or tool.  But, those two sentences back-to-back illustrate continued frustration with the unending repetition of the same viewpoint: one that is slut IMoversensitive coupled with a lack of acknowledgment that there are usually corresponding terms for each gender.  None of them are positive, all of them are demeaning and all of them are, unfortunately, part of common casual conversation.

So here’s my take on this exchange provided by LGBT News:

Calling a guy a ‘player’ is attacking men for their right to say yes. Calling a guy ‘shallow’ is attacking men for their right to say no.” And calling a guy a ‘cock’ is attacking men for being confident.

Even as I re-write this ‘attacking’ seems overwrought, for either gender.  Friend Zoned?  The times I’ve seen that used is more from the point of view of disappointment, certainly not attacking anyone.  And, I’ve heard women use it also.

I chose player in my re-write, but user and tool are terms I’ve heard women use to refer to a man who does not meet their expectations for relationship or sexual encounter.  A term that came up in the Facebook comment section was manwhore.  But as discussed there, manwhore can be used in a positive manner, ie: the kind of macho guy culture that feminists seem to think includes everyone except a few SNAGs (sensitive new age guys) which, of course, is yet another negative term for men.

The point is, there are many corresponding terms to slut that women regularly use when referring to men in a negative manner.  Yet, we men don’t seem to get as worked up about it.  In fact, there’s a parody site called Dikipedia and judging from most comments, people think it’s pretty funny and guys don’t seem to be crying foul because it’s a negative association with our most special anatomy.

Again, I’m not suggesting we should use gender negative terms.  It would be better if we didn’t have Dickipedia.  But we do.  And if a woman is a bitch and a guy is an asshole, maybe we don’t need to keep having this discussion.  Because it’s getting to the point that people are calling The sky is falling! just too many times.  It’s not getting better and I’m suggesting this is because those railing against these terms aren’t being fair or inclusive.

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4 comments on “Slut, friend zone and bitch

  1. smartmagicwomen
    May 27, 2015

    Reblogged this on smartmagicwomen and commented:
    A mini Wiki on Slut, Friend Zone, Bitch, Cocks etc.. Nice writeup!

  2. A.J. Simonsen
    May 27, 2015

    Thanks for the follow and post. Some of this stuff just bugs me. I wrote about it in another column on Duke’s “I won’t say” campaign targeting words and phrases that are derogatory to just about everyone. Except men. Defining and defending a term.

  3. M. Pedroso
    July 30, 2015

    “Slut”, “whore” and so on is all about vilifying and controlling women’s sexual freedom. Something that has been happening since forever. The intention behind those terms have hystorical meaning. It’s used against women everyhwere, because of anything ot nothing at all.
    There are no corresponding term for men, there is no actual cultural weight for it to happen. That is why men will never be worked out as much as women about it. Their sexual rights and freedom have never been seen as equal.
    “Bitch” is also used by many as just another term for “female”.

    Next article you will be talking about how white people don’t get that worked out when receinging prejudice because of their race and being called the “corresponding racial slurs for their race”, so maybe we should not be having a conversation whenever black people keep acting so oversensitive about it. “I’m suggesting this is because those railing against terms like “nigger” aren’t being fair or inclusive.”

    http://mic.com/articles/109852/6-reasons-sluttiness-has-nothing-to-do-with-sex

  4. A.J. Simonsen
    July 30, 2015

    Oh, I didn’t suggest we shouldn’t be having these conversations. And I have no issue with the concept as suggested, that many of these terms are about control. But, how hard would it be to acknowledge all gender negative terms and their use? Indeed, I think the constant focus about one set of terms to the exclusion of others is about control. I’d like a big tent, where everyone has the same considerations and acknowledgement. For instance, I don’t think we should be using nigger or white trash. Both are demeaning, but one of them is far more acceptable to use. I want this stuff to get better, and I don’t think it’s going to get better with the same tired approach.

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This entry was posted on May 26, 2015 by in Meme Rebuttal and tagged , , , , , , , , , , .
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